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Friday, July 24, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Motherhood Part 3
Mother's Day Gift May 2008Motherhood Part 3
On May 12, 2007 I became the wife of Tim Whaley, the Step-Mother to Josh Whaley and, the Mother-In-Law to Christina Whaley. I was so excited by all the possibilities that came with all of those titles. My Mom thought it was hilarious that I was becoming a mother-in-law. The title made me feel old at first, but knowing I was going to be one to Christina made me feel good. It made me want to be the best mother–in- law ever. I was also very excited to be a step-mother. When people would ask me if I had any kids, I could finally say yes!
There were only ten years difference in my age and “the kids” as I would often refer to them. Josh & Christina accepted me immediately. They would come over at least once every 4 to 6 weeks to hang out at our house. We would all watch some movies together and “the kids” had a Nintendo Wii that they would bring for us to play sometimes. Tim & Josh had a way of disappearing to the office to get on the computer, which always left plenty of time for me and Christina to talk.
In between visits there were phone calls and emails. I always looked forward to emails from Josh. He would always get sent the funniest emails I had ever seen and he would pass them on to us. We were a happy family of 4. I often thought about the possibility of becoming a grandmother down the road, when they were ready of course. It was an exciting possibility.
My greatest treasure came during Mother’s Day weekend 2008. Josh had to work on Sundays, so they called and asked if they could come by the Saturday before Mother’s Day. I honestly didn’t think much about it, I figured they were stopping by to see their mothers, and they must be trying to squeeze in a visit to us as well. They lived somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour away. So it wasn’t unusual for them to come by if they were in town to see their other parents all on the same day. However, this day would be different. Not long after getting in the house they handed me a bag and a card and said “Happy Mother’s Day.” I was absolutely shocked. I didn’t expect anything from them for Mother’s Day. As I read the card I teared up. Inside they had written that there was plenty of room in their lives for another Mother and they were happy to have me in their lives. I was absolutely speechless! Inside the bag I found the most beautiful fairy.
Ten years ago in 1997 I thought I was taking away all my chances of motherhood when I had my surgery. In the space of ten years I had become an aunt, a mother to a basset hound, and then I was actually called a Mom. Sadly on May 20, 2009 my marriage to Tim will be officially over. So far I have been able to stay in contact with Christina through phone calls and text messages. I’m scared of losing them, but it is to be expected. However, I don’t think I’ll ever lose their friendship. Now, I guess I’ll just sit back and see what God has in store for me in the future.
EJ
Friday, May 8, 2009
Motherhood Part Two
“When one door closes, another opens…”
Motherhood Part 2
My next phase close to motherhood came when I got married a year later. I married into a family. I married Barry, who was 9 years older than me and the youngest of 4 children. He had 2 older brothers and one sister who were all married with children. Barry made me an aunt on the day we married, and I became the aunt to 8 nieces and nephews.
When spring came, as soon as Barry would get home from work, we were out the door and headed straight to the ball fields night after night. We watched softball games and baseball games all spring and summer. All the parents had these shirts with the team logo on the front and on the back they said “Mom of #4” or “Dad of #4” but they didn’t have any for aunts or uncles. I found this really discriminating and made it known. I told them that it wasn’t fair that there weren’t shirts for the aunts and uncles we were there supporting the kids just as much as the parents. Everyone knew I was just teasing, but to my great surprise, the very next year I was presented with a specially made shirt that looked just like the ones for the parents but mine said “Aunt of #4.” I was absolutely thrilled! I still have that shirt to this day.
Being an aunt was so fulfilling. I have lots of tales I may share on later posts about being an aunt, but my main point is I might not have been able to be a “mother,” but being an aunt was very close to motherhood as you filled in every once in a while, which was very rewarding.
I dedicate this post to my nieces and nephews, in no particular order: Ryan, Justin, Josh, Justis, Lauren, Lacey, D.J. and Chase.
Motherhood to be continued…
EJ
Motherhood Part 2
My next phase close to motherhood came when I got married a year later. I married into a family. I married Barry, who was 9 years older than me and the youngest of 4 children. He had 2 older brothers and one sister who were all married with children. Barry made me an aunt on the day we married, and I became the aunt to 8 nieces and nephews.
When Barry and I got married we first lived with his Dad. Papa John, as he was called by the kids, picked up 4 of the grandkids after school and brought them to the house until they could be picked up by their parents. Unable to work at that time I was home and helped out when they came over after school. I would make snacks, help with homework, play Old Maid and Bingo, and get to hear all about their day at school.
As I’ve mentioned in my profile, I am a sports fanatic and luckily for me I married into a very athletic and sports oriented family. All the brothers and their sister were big athletes in their day and now their kids were too. During the fall, we would gather on Saturdays and watch the Tennessee Volunteers College football games. It was great! We would yell at the game and have a great time together.
When spring came, as soon as Barry would get home from work, we were out the door and headed straight to the ball fields night after night. We watched softball games and baseball games all spring and summer. All the parents had these shirts with the team logo on the front and on the back they said “Mom of #4” or “Dad of #4” but they didn’t have any for aunts or uncles. I found this really discriminating and made it known. I told them that it wasn’t fair that there weren’t shirts for the aunts and uncles we were there supporting the kids just as much as the parents. Everyone knew I was just teasing, but to my great surprise, the very next year I was presented with a specially made shirt that looked just like the ones for the parents but mine said “Aunt of #4.” I was absolutely thrilled! I still have that shirt to this day.
Being an aunt was so fulfilling. I have lots of tales I may share on later posts about being an aunt, but my main point is I might not have been able to be a “mother,” but being an aunt was very close to motherhood as you filled in every once in a while, which was very rewarding.
I dedicate this post to my nieces and nephews, in no particular order: Ryan, Justin, Josh, Justis, Lauren, Lacey, D.J. and Chase.
Motherhood to be continued…
EJ
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Motherhood
Motherhood - noun
1 the state of being a mother; maternity
2 the character or qualities of a mother
3 mothers collectively
Webster’s New World Dictionary
The hardest decision I ever made has to be the decision to have a tubal ligation (tie my tubes) before I could ever have a child. I was a very sick child and since the summer of my senior year of high school I was extremely sick and many years later would find out that I had fibromyalgia. My mother had a rough time getting me here. She had 4 miscarriages before me and 1 miscarriage after me. Needless to say I was her miracle baby. So with my background of illness and this new fibromyalgia that claimed a vibrant life to one that could barely function before I turned 18 and knowing how hard it may be for my body to even carry a child to full term, I prayed. I had always wanted children and always saw children in my future. I wanted to be the cool parent’s house where all the kids would hang out. I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family with a mother, a father and children. After high school I struggled but I was able to work, but due to fatigue and comprehension problems college would have to wait. I dated and still thought about the children that I wanted, but I didn’t see how I could make it all work and still be the mother and the wife. It took everything out of me just to work, come home and go to bed just to get ready to do it all over again. I was barely surviving how would I be able to be that multi-tasking woman, what kind of wife or mother would I make? This fibromyalgia was so confusing and the thoughts of passing it on to my children and then being too sick myself to take care of my family seemed very selfish to me. I prayed for well over a year and then a month before I turned 25, I went for my annual gynecological visit and talked to my doctor. I explained all of my reasons of why I wanted to have my tubes tied. For me an abortion would never had been an answer to birth control, and yes abstinence was an option, but not very practical for my whole life. So I guess my most selfless act was to never have a baby. It has not been the easiest decision I have ever had to live with, but by far has been one of the best. The past 5 years I have had cousins having babies all around me. I see how happy they are but they are also a family in each situation and no medical issues to deal with. I never planned on talking about my health on my blog, but as we get closer to Mother’s Day I have a few stories that will follow this one and to fully understand these upcoming blogs, you needed to know this one. My fear of passing on my fibromyalgia is starting to show in the medical field. They now have a diagnosis for Juvenile Fibromyalgia. Medically speaking they still don’t know much about Fibromyalgia or if it is genetic, I so hope to be wrong. I wasn’t wrong about my medical condition; it has gotten much worse since then, and much more complicated than just having Fibromyalgia, however last July there have been changes in the medical community that help my day to day well being. It has given me a new lease on life and who’s to say what is ahead of me. This will only be one of few talks of my medical condition as it is more complex and not my focus, but to truly understand how precious my next few blogs mean to me you had to have a back story.
Surprisingly I do have my own tales of motherhood and more of it’s definition is to come… : - )
EJ
1 the state of being a mother; maternity
2 the character or qualities of a mother
3 mothers collectively
Webster’s New World Dictionary
The hardest decision I ever made has to be the decision to have a tubal ligation (tie my tubes) before I could ever have a child. I was a very sick child and since the summer of my senior year of high school I was extremely sick and many years later would find out that I had fibromyalgia. My mother had a rough time getting me here. She had 4 miscarriages before me and 1 miscarriage after me. Needless to say I was her miracle baby. So with my background of illness and this new fibromyalgia that claimed a vibrant life to one that could barely function before I turned 18 and knowing how hard it may be for my body to even carry a child to full term, I prayed. I had always wanted children and always saw children in my future. I wanted to be the cool parent’s house where all the kids would hang out. I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family with a mother, a father and children. After high school I struggled but I was able to work, but due to fatigue and comprehension problems college would have to wait. I dated and still thought about the children that I wanted, but I didn’t see how I could make it all work and still be the mother and the wife. It took everything out of me just to work, come home and go to bed just to get ready to do it all over again. I was barely surviving how would I be able to be that multi-tasking woman, what kind of wife or mother would I make? This fibromyalgia was so confusing and the thoughts of passing it on to my children and then being too sick myself to take care of my family seemed very selfish to me. I prayed for well over a year and then a month before I turned 25, I went for my annual gynecological visit and talked to my doctor. I explained all of my reasons of why I wanted to have my tubes tied. For me an abortion would never had been an answer to birth control, and yes abstinence was an option, but not very practical for my whole life. So I guess my most selfless act was to never have a baby. It has not been the easiest decision I have ever had to live with, but by far has been one of the best. The past 5 years I have had cousins having babies all around me. I see how happy they are but they are also a family in each situation and no medical issues to deal with. I never planned on talking about my health on my blog, but as we get closer to Mother’s Day I have a few stories that will follow this one and to fully understand these upcoming blogs, you needed to know this one. My fear of passing on my fibromyalgia is starting to show in the medical field. They now have a diagnosis for Juvenile Fibromyalgia. Medically speaking they still don’t know much about Fibromyalgia or if it is genetic, I so hope to be wrong. I wasn’t wrong about my medical condition; it has gotten much worse since then, and much more complicated than just having Fibromyalgia, however last July there have been changes in the medical community that help my day to day well being. It has given me a new lease on life and who’s to say what is ahead of me. This will only be one of few talks of my medical condition as it is more complex and not my focus, but to truly understand how precious my next few blogs mean to me you had to have a back story.
Surprisingly I do have my own tales of motherhood and more of it’s definition is to come… : - )
EJ
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Failure or Success?
"Don't be afraid to fail, because only through failure do you learn to succeed."
Unknown
Do you remember my essay that I entered into a contest months ago? Well I received the list of winners last week. Sadly, my essay did not win. : ( I admit I was sad and disappointed, Not only did I not win, but I didn't even get an honorable mention.
Rejection and failure are two very different things in the world of writing. With rejection there is success. I successfully completed a piece of writing and submitted it into a contest. This is a triumph or victory not failure. I look at failure as being too scared to submit your work. No Publishing Company is going to knock on the door and ask "Have you written a book we can publish?"
I successfully entered my essay into a contest. So I guess I get to chalk this one rejection up as a success.
EJ Whaley
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Life's Events
"It's not the events in life that define you, it's how you deal with them."
Scott Hamilton
My life has been very hectic, crazy, & down right chaotic since October. I'm afraid that due to the situation, I've let my blog suffer. First, my husband of less than two years and I have separated. Second, I have moved into a small "studio" apartment. It is a step down from a one bedroom apartment. It may only be a little over 400 square feet, but it is mine; my own space, my rules, my home! Obviously all of my belongings won't fit into my apartment, so at least half of my stuff will be in storage. In fact I still have some of my things at my old address. Needless to say I can't find anything when I need or want it! The good news is that my storage building is practically across the street. After I get the last load from the house, when I'm looking for something it will only be in 1 of 2 places, not 3! Not knowing where things are is extremely frustrating, especially when it's been that way since at least 5 moves ago!
I have also had some health problems during all this. In fact I'm waiting right now to hear from one of my Doctors' Office to find out what date he is going to do my knee surgery. You should see me hobbling around on crutches trying to carry things to my car or apartment. I'm quite the sight.
For the past 4 months packing, moving, unpacking and trying to figure out which of all my necessities are true necessities haven't just been physically exhausting, but mentally exhausting as well.
I would like to take the quote I've listed on the top of the page to heart and not let all the madness since October define me. For one thing all that madness makes for great writing inspiration! Now that I have more of a grip on my life, I look forward to publishing more posts on a regular basis, and work on my other writing projects.
Thank you to those who never gave up on me!
EJ Whaley
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Achieving Your Goals
“As you reach your goal, set new ones. That is how you grow and become a more powerful person.”
Less Brown
Less Brown
In my May post, "Living Our Dreams, Not Our Fears," I told you that I had a special article that I had written that I wanted to polish and send off to be published. Well yesterday, October 1, 2008 I took a big step towards that goal.
The article I'm referring to is really an essay more than an article. While reading one of my trade magazines I found a contest that I could enter my essay into. There is a possibility of getting this essay published! Not only do they publish the winner of each category, they also publish some of the honorable mentions. So for the past month between taking an online class about "Creating Memorable Characters," I was also editing and polishing my essay for the contest deadline. Those two things might not seem a lot to you, but they have kept me from my duty of posting as much as I wanted to have done by now on this blog. For that, I do apologize to those of you who actually read my blog.
I’ve been working on this essay on and off for 4 years now. In no way did I work diligently on this essay. It would be one of those pieces that you would pick up every so often, work on it and then put it away for another time. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling of finally getting this piece to a final draft. I also feel that I can finally close the door on that part of my life that was 16 years ago. A big weight has been lifted off of me. My only problem now is that it would be too long for most magazines to publish. It’s almost 6,000 words. Most magazines publish non-fiction essays from anywhere of 1,000 – 3,000 words. However, I think I know how I can cut it down so that I can continue the goal of submitting this essay to a major magazine to be published.
Setting a goal and then achieving it is an incredible feeling. I love the sense of accomplishment, especially when you have told the world about your goal. So here is a list of my current goals:
1: I want to edit my essay down to magazine specs and send it off for possible publication in a major magazine.
2: I want to continue to work on my book. At this time I want to work on my characters and make sure I have fleshed them out so that the reader will truly care what happens to them.
3: Fall is here and I want to completely redo my closet. So that what is in my closet fits and is in season.
4: I want to finish unpacking and get my home organized! I’m tired of not knowing where things are!
5: I want to publish at least two blogs a week.
What do you want to accomplish in the next 6 months. If you feel like sharing great, if not write them down and post them where you can see them every day. Then let me know what you accomplished!
PS Have you enjoyed the pictures that I have been sharing with you?
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