Views & Perceptions from a Strawberry Blonde Volume 1

I'm Moving My Blog

2009-07-24T00:07:00.005-04:00

THIS BLOG HAS MOVED TO:

http://www.ElizJewell.blogspot.com

Motherhood Part 3

2009-05-12T06:31:00.008-04:00

Mother's Day Gift May 2008

Motherhood Part 3

On May 12, 2007 I became the wife of Tim Whaley, the Step-Mother to Josh Whaley and, the Mother-In-Law to Christina Whaley. I was so excited by all the possibilities that came with all of those titles. My Mom thought it was hilarious that I was becoming a mother-in-law. The title made me feel old at first, but knowing I was going to be one to Christina made me feel good. It made me want to be the best mother–in- law ever. I was also very excited to be a step-mother. When people would ask me if I had any kids, I could finally say yes!

There were only ten years difference in my age and “the kids” as I would often refer to them. Josh & Christina accepted me immediately. They would come over at least once every 4 to 6 weeks to hang out at our house. We would all watch some movies together and “the kids” had a Nintendo Wii that they would bring for us to play sometimes. Tim & Josh had a way of disappearing to the office to get on the computer, which always left plenty of time for me and Christina to talk.

In between visits there were phone calls and emails. I always looked forward to emails from Josh. He would always get sent the funniest emails I had ever seen and he would pass them on to us. We were a happy family of 4. I often thought about the possibility of becoming a grandmother down the road, when they were ready of course. It was an exciting possibility.

My greatest treasure came during Mother’s Day weekend 2008. Josh had to work on Sundays, so they called and asked if they could come by the Saturday before Mother’s Day. I honestly didn’t think much about it, I figured they were stopping by to see their mothers, and they must be trying to squeeze in a visit to us as well. They lived somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour away. So it wasn’t unusual for them to come by if they were in town to see their other parents all on the same day. However, this day would be different. Not long after getting in the house they handed me a bag and a card and said “Happy Mother’s Day.” I was absolutely shocked. I didn’t expect anything from them for Mother’s Day. As I read the card I teared up. Inside they had written that there was plenty of room in their lives for another Mother and they were happy to have me in their lives. I was absolutely speechless! Inside the bag I found the most beautiful fairy.

Ten years ago in 1997 I thought I was taking away all my chances of motherhood when I had my surgery. In the space of ten years I had become an aunt, a mother to a basset hound, and then I was actually called a Mom. Sadly on May 20, 2009 my marriage to Tim will be officially over. So far I have been able to stay in contact with Christina through phone calls and text messages. I’m scared of losing them, but it is to be expected. However, I don’t think I’ll ever lose their friendship. Now, I guess I’ll just sit back and see what God has in store for me in the future.

EJ

Motherhood Part Two

2009-05-08T04:33:00.008-04:00

“When one door closes, another opens…”

Motherhood Part 2

My next phase close to motherhood came when I got married a year later. I married into a family. I married Barry, who was 9 years older than me and the youngest of 4 children. He had 2 older brothers and one sister who were all married with children. Barry made me an aunt on the day we married, and I became the aunt to 8 nieces and nephews.

When Barry and I got married we first lived with his Dad. Papa John, as he was called by the kids, picked up 4 of the grandkids after school and brought them to the house until they could be picked up by their parents. Unable to work at that time I was home and helped out when they came over after school. I would make snacks, help with homework, play Old Maid and Bingo, and get to hear all about their day at school.

As I’ve mentioned in my profile, I am a sports fanatic and luckily for me I married into a very athletic and sports oriented family. All the brothers and their sister were big athletes in their day and now their kids were too. During the fall, we would gather on Saturdays and watch the Tennessee Volunteers College football games. It was great! We would yell at the game and have a great time together.

Due to everyone's schedule, we didn't have a big Thanksgiving, so Christmas was going to be our very first big family holiday. Knowing how much the kids loved games we decided to get all of them a different board game. I can still remember all the fun we had playing games all Christmas day. Needless to say the games were a big hit. Barry kept his “cool uncle” title and I became the “cool Aunt Elizabeth.” We loved those kids and were proud to do things with them every chance we got.

When spring came, as soon as Barry would get home from work, we were out the door and headed straight to the ball fields night after night. We watched softball games and baseball games all spring and summer. All the parents had these shirts with the team logo on the front and on the back they said “Mom of #4” or “Dad of #4” but they didn’t have any for aunts or uncles. I found this really discriminating and made it known. I told them that it wasn’t fair that there weren’t shirts for the aunts and uncles we were there supporting the kids just as much as the parents. Everyone knew I was just teasing, but to my great surprise, the very next year I was presented with a specially made shirt that looked just like the ones for the parents but mine said “Aunt of #4.” I was absolutely thrilled! I still have that shirt to this day.

Being an aunt was so fulfilling. I have lots of tales I may share on later posts about being an aunt, but my main point is I might not have been able to be a “mother,” but being an aunt was very close to motherhood as you filled in every once in a while, which was very rewarding.

I dedicate this post to my nieces and nephews, in no particular order: Ryan, Justin, Josh, Justis, Lauren, Lacey, D.J. and Chase.

Motherhood to be continued…

EJ

Motherhood

2009-04-29T10:59:00.003-04:00

Motherhood - noun
1 the state of being a mother; maternity
2 the character or qualities of a mother
3 mothers collectively

Webster’s New World Dictionary

The hardest decision I ever made has to be the decision to have a tubal ligation (tie my tubes) before I could ever have a child. I was a very sick child and since the summer of my senior year of high school I was extremely sick and many years later would find out that I had fibromyalgia. My mother had a rough time getting me here. She had 4 miscarriages before me and 1 miscarriage after me. Needless to say I was her miracle baby. So with my background of illness and this new fibromyalgia that claimed a vibrant life to one that could barely function before I turned 18 and knowing how hard it may be for my body to even carry a child to full term, I prayed. I had always wanted children and always saw children in my future. I wanted to be the cool parent’s house where all the kids would hang out. I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family with a mother, a father and children. After high school I struggled but I was able to work, but due to fatigue and comprehension problems college would have to wait. I dated and still thought about the children that I wanted, but I didn’t see how I could make it all work and still be the mother and the wife. It took everything out of me just to work, come home and go to bed just to get ready to do it all over again. I was barely surviving how would I be able to be that multi-tasking woman, what kind of wife or mother would I make? This fibromyalgia was so confusing and the thoughts of passing it on to my children and then being too sick myself to take care of my family seemed very selfish to me. I prayed for well over a year and then a month before I turned 25, I went for my annual gynecological visit and talked to my doctor. I explained all of my reasons of why I wanted to have my tubes tied. For me an abortion would never had been an answer to birth control, and yes abstinence was an option, but not very practical for my whole life. So I guess my most selfless act was to never have a baby. It has not been the easiest decision I have ever had to live with, but by far has been one of the best. The past 5 years I have had cousins having babies all around me. I see how happy they are but they are also a family in each situation and no medical issues to deal with. I never planned on talking about my health on my blog, but as we get closer to Mother’s Day I have a few stories that will follow this one and to fully understand these upcoming blogs, you needed to know this one. My fear of passing on my fibromyalgia is starting to show in the medical field. They now have a diagnosis for Juvenile Fibromyalgia. Medically speaking they still don’t know much about Fibromyalgia or if it is genetic, I so hope to be wrong. I wasn’t wrong about my medical condition; it has gotten much worse since then, and much more complicated than just having Fibromyalgia, however last July there have been changes in the medical community that help my day to day well being. It has given me a new lease on life and who’s to say what is ahead of me. This will only be one of few talks of my medical condition as it is more complex and not my focus, but to truly understand how precious my next few blogs mean to me you had to have a back story.

Surprisingly I do have my own tales of motherhood and more of it’s definition is to come… : - )

EJ

Failure or Success?

2009-02-21T00:07:00.007-05:00

"Don't be afraid to fail, because only through failure do you learn to succeed."

Unknown

Do you remember my essay that I entered into a contest months ago? Well I received the list of winners last week. Sadly, my essay did not win. : ( I admit I was sad and disappointed, Not only did I not win, but I didn't even get an honorable mention.

Rejection and failure are two very different things in the world of writing. With rejection there is success. I successfully completed a piece of writing and submitted it into a contest. This is a triumph or victory not failure. I look at failure as being too scared to submit your work. No Publishing Company is going to knock on the door and ask "Have you written a book we can publish?"

I successfully entered my essay into a contest. So I guess I get to chalk this one rejection up as a success.

EJ Whaley

Life's Events

2009-01-27T23:42:00.010-05:00

"It's not the events in life that define you, it's how you deal with them."

Scott Hamilton

My life has been very hectic, crazy, & down right chaotic since October. I'm afraid that due to the situation, I've let my blog suffer. First, my husband of less than two years and I have separated. Second, I have moved into a small "studio" apartment. It is a step down from a one bedroom apartment. It may only be a little over 400 square feet, but it is mine; my own space, my rules, my home! Obviously all of my belongings won't fit into my apartment, so at least half of my stuff will be in storage. In fact I still have some of my things at my old address. Needless to say I can't find anything when I need or want it! The good news is that my storage building is practically across the street. After I get the last load from the house, when I'm looking for something it will only be in 1 of 2 places, not 3! Not knowing where things are is extremely frustrating, especially when it's been that way since at least 5 moves ago!

I have also had some health problems during all this. In fact I'm waiting right now to hear from one of my Doctors' Office to find out what date he is going to do my knee surgery. You should see me hobbling around on crutches trying to carry things to my car or apartment. I'm quite the sight.

For the past 4 months packing, moving, unpacking and trying to figure out which of all my necessities are true necessities haven't just been physically exhausting, but mentally exhausting as well.

I would like to take the quote I've listed on the top of the page to heart and not let all the madness since October define me. For one thing all that madness makes for great writing inspiration! Now that I have more of a grip on my life, I look forward to publishing more posts on a regular basis, and work on my other writing projects.

Thank you to those who never gave up on me!

EJ Whaley

Achieving Your Goals

2008-10-02T09:39:00.009-04:00

“As you reach your goal, set new ones. That is how you grow and become a more powerful person.”

Less Brown

In my May post, "Living Our Dreams, Not Our Fears," I told you that I had a special article that I had written that I wanted to polish and send off to be published. Well yesterday, October 1, 2008 I took a big step towards that goal.

The article I'm referring to is really an essay more than an article. While reading one of my trade magazines I found a contest that I could enter my essay into. There is a possibility of getting this essay published! Not only do they publish the winner of each category, they also publish some of the honorable mentions. So for the past month between taking an online class about "Creating Memorable Characters," I was also editing and polishing my essay for the contest deadline. Those two things might not seem a lot to you, but they have kept me from my duty of posting as much as I wanted to have done by now on this blog. For that, I do apologize to those of you who actually read my blog.

I’ve been working on this essay on and off for 4 years now. In no way did I work diligently on this essay. It would be one of those pieces that you would pick up every so often, work on it and then put it away for another time. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling of finally getting this piece to a final draft. I also feel that I can finally close the door on that part of my life that was 16 years ago. A big weight has been lifted off of me. My only problem now is that it would be too long for most magazines to publish. It’s almost 6,000 words. Most magazines publish non-fiction essays from anywhere of 1,000 – 3,000 words. However, I think I know how I can cut it down so that I can continue the goal of submitting this essay to a major magazine to be published.

Setting a goal and then achieving it is an incredible feeling. I love the sense of accomplishment, especially when you have told the world about your goal. So here is a list of my current goals:

1: I want to edit my essay down to magazine specs and send it off for possible publication in a major magazine.

2: I want to continue to work on my book. At this time I want to work on my characters and make sure I have fleshed them out so that the reader will truly care what happens to them.

3: Fall is here and I want to completely redo my closet. So that what is in my closet fits and is in season.

4: I want to finish unpacking and get my home organized! I’m tired of not knowing where things are!

5: I want to publish at least two blogs a week.

What do you want to accomplish in the next 6 months. If you feel like sharing great, if not write them down and post them where you can see them every day. Then let me know what you accomplished!

PS Have you enjoyed the pictures that I have been sharing with you?

The Birthday Present

2008-09-10T17:55:00.010-04:00

Terra Jewell

I use to have the most precious Bassett Hound you could ever have. She was a tri-color that was mostly white with brown and black spots. I got her for Mother’s Day in 1999, and she was all of 8 weeks old. I couldn’t have kids, so she became my only child, or as I often referred to her my “baby dog.” I named her Terra Jewell. Terra because she was low to the ground and Jewell is my middle name. From the very beginning she was going to be an indoor dog. She slept in the bed with me and she ruled the roost when it came to the house. She loved to lie down on the back deck to sun and watch over the neighborhood. She was my pride and joy. If there was a product that had a Bassett on it, I guarantee I had it. I probably had her for about 7 ½ years wonderful years, until I had to leave her. I was getting a divorce and was moving to an apartment. By this time my” baby” weighed about 70 – 75 pounds. I don’t know how things are where you live, but where I live she wouldn’t be able to move into an apartment with me. She loved to bark. She would bark when she was happy, she would bark when she was playing, she would bark if the doorbell rang. After a bath she loved to run through the house rolling on the carpet and barking away. She was a happy baby that loved to bark and run all through the house. After all those years in a medium size house with a deck and big fenced in back yard, it would have been very selfish of me to take her with me. She would never have adjusted to apartment life. I left her in good hands with her favorite grandfather, Papa John. She has always been extremely attached to him, and he has spoiled her rotten from day one. I told you all about Terra Jewell so that you could understand the wonderful thing my husband was going to do for my birthday.

My birthday is this Friday, September 12, and my husband of almost a year and a half decided he was going to get me a Basset Hound. He looked through the classifieds for a Bassett Hound puppy but to no avail. He even planned on going to the local dog shelters looking for a Bassett Hound. He finally told me the other day what he wanted to do for my birthday, but he didn’t think he was going to be successful. I was absolutely floored! I had no idea that he was thinking about getting me a dog. Previously this year we lost our precious, but older Miniature Dachshund in the last week of February. Her name was Misty, however she had about 10 other names that she answered to. Misty had been with Tim about 7 years before I came along. He called me her “Pet Mama.” So after losing her this year and losing Terra Jewell a couple years ago, he thought I might be ready to be a “Pet Mama” again. I told him how thoughtful and wonderful his idea was, but my heart hadn’t healed from losing Misty. I might just have to write some Terra Jewell & Misty stories in future blogs. They may not be by my side anymore, but they will always have a place in my heart.

Misty (My Hound Hound)

To my husband Tim: Thank you! Sometimes it really is the thought that counts!

He knows me, he really knows me!

2008-08-20T01:04:00.007-04:00

The question asked by me to my husband of 1 year, 3 months was:

“Have you heard of the latest Master Card Priceless ® Sweepstakes, in which you get to meet one of three ‘Rock Legends’?”

“No” he answers.

I tell him the three legends you could meet: Eric Clapton, Jon Bon Jovi, Kenny Chesney, and then ask: “Do you know who I would want to meet the most?”

He pauses to think a moment and then says: “Eric Clapton.”

My heart actually skips a beat or two. Excited and stunned, I say “How’d you know?”

“Well I know that you like all of them, but I remember that Eric Clapton shirt you have.”

He knew the right answer, he might not know all of the reasons why I would choose Eric Clapton, but he knew which one I would choose.

So ladies, they may never admit it, but our guys do listen and pay attention to us, a heck of a lot more than they let on.

EJ Whaley

The Bonfire

2008-06-29T05:40:00.005-04:00

"There are no mistakes or failures, only lessons."

Dennis Waitley

In August of 1992, I was safely home with my parents after one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made. June of that year I got married, moved to California, was used as a punching bag, and escaped on the one month anniversary of the so called marriage. Licking my wounds, and feeling like a complete idiot for going through the whole ordeal, I was just a month shy of turning 20. I was so embarrassed to be back home so soon with such a war story to tell. It wasn’t the happily ever after it was supposed to be. I was very depressed. There wasn’t much of anything anyone could do to cheer me up. My mother, in particular, had no idea what to do to help me. It didn’t even matter to me that I had done the right thing escaping an abusive situation. I felt stupid and often wondered if I had missed any red flags.

On a particularly down day, the “wedding photos” arrived from the photographer. There I was with two sets of wedding photos that cost my family around $1000, reminding me of what was supposed to represent one of the happiest days of my life. As I was going through the pictures, my Mom sat down with me and looked at them. The more I looked, the more depressed I became. Then my Mom did one of the craziest things. She ripped one of the pictures into two. I was horrified. What was she thinking? (To this day she says she can still remember the look on my face) As she sat there grinning, I asked her: “How did that feel?” “Great!” she said. “You should try it.” So I did and it felt so empowering. I didn’t have to live with pictures to remind me of my mistake for the rest of my life, I had a brain for that! Before I knew it we were surrounded by ripped up pictures. Then we came up with the perfect way to totally destroy them. We raced out to the back of the house and put all the ripped and whole pictures in our grill. We made a fire and burned $1000 worth of wedding pictures. It was the best bonfire I ever had!

Tunnels

2008-05-22T12:54:00.007-04:00

"Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible."
Tony Robbins

Finally, I Think I See Some Light at the End of One of My Many Tunnels

You may not have this problem, or you may just not realize it yet... There isn't only one tunnel that I'm trying to come out of. I have many different tunnels that lead to the one main tunnel I pray that I crawl out of one day.

For example: In the past 9 1/2 years, I have moved 9 times. The last three or four moves, I never fully got unpacked, much less settled in. How could I in that length of time? Some moves were years apart, but the last 4 happened within 3 years. I simply would be at one place only months before moving again. Therefore, one of my tunnels is my home. To see the light and be out of this tunnel would mean that I'm almost completely unpacked and settled in. Because I've got news for you, this chick ain't moving again for some time! I'm not that crazy. Well the jury is still out on that one! LOL

Today, I woke up early went into "my gym" (a post about "my gym" will be inevitable) and exercised (another tunnel) for 30 minutes. Due to circumstances: space, moving, health, etc. I haven't been able to exercise like I normally would, so the fact that I got up, went into "my gym" and started my morning off with exercise is a major accomplishment. That alone makes this a good day.

After I had breakfast, I went around different rooms in the house and rearranged pictures and various decorative arts. For me having things arranged and on the walls makes a huge difference in a room and the feeling of a home. I have 3 pictures that get hung up on moving day, regardless. Those priceless art works (to me their priceless) are also a future post. I also put fresh brand new 400 thread count sheets and new fluffy pillows on my bed. So I feel pretty good about my home tunnel. I may get there yet.

Finally, I have written my post for the day (another tunnel) and it's just after 12:00 pm. Wait, I forgot one, I know what I'm cooking for supper, no fast food tonight! (Cooking, another tunnel) So, if all I do now is surf the web, play Conan, or lie around, I see light at the end of a few of my tunnels.

Living Our Dreams, Not Our Fears

2008-05-21T09:54:00.006-04:00

"Too many of us are not living our dreams, because we are living our fears."

Less Brown

I'm sure it's not just me who can relate to this inspiring quote. One of my dreams is to be a published writer, but I think my fears of "am I good enough" or "who would want to read what I wrote" have been crippling me. The responses I got from my very first blog post was amazing. The things people picked up on helped me to see what my fears wouldn't let me.

I have an essay/article that I have worked on and off for a couple of years now. Today I announce to myself and the world that I plan on polishing it up, but not rewriting it, and then send it off for possible publication. I plan by the end of the year to have submitted this article and hopefully will be telling you the good news of its publication. I want to live my dreams, not my fears.

Today ask yourself if you are living your dreams or living your fears.

EJ Whaley

The Year My Mom Brought the Beach to Me

2008-05-15T15:31:00.003-04:00

I’ve always loved the beach and ocean. Just listening to the rhythm of the waves as they crash upon one another, the warm feeling of the sun on my skin, the sand in my toes, the breeze through my hair and the smell of the sea easily transports me into my own utopia.

One summer I desperately needed to be at the beach where no sickness existed and I was invincible. Due to financial reasons, going to the beach was out of the question, so my Mom brought the beach to me.

We lived in a very quiet subdivision with lots of space between houses and people. Our backyard was quite and shaded by trees. There were two trees that were the perfect width apart for a hammock and below was a good place for sand. My Mom used some wood and made a sand box underneath my hammock with sea shells we had gathered from vacations past. It became my personal beach that spring and summer. I would lie in the hammock for hours listening to ocean sounds or music from my walkman, read and sometimes nap. I would feel the sun on my skin and feel my own beach sand between my toes. My beach was my sanctuary. I hope she still knows today how much “my beach” meant to me, and that I think of it often.